Why Him, Why Her by Helen Fisher

My whole summer of 2017 was a quest to understand the polarity that exists between men and women. To be very clear, I don't believe this is a black and white topic and respect the notion that gender exists on a spectrum and there is an abundance of nurture at play. 

"Bird of a feather, flock together."
"Opposites attract."

What if both are true?

I read or listened to a pile of books on the topic and came across Helen Fisher's "Why Him? Why Her? How to Find and Keep Lasting Love" and it quickly became a "life changer." Her theory is we all inherited different preferences for neural pathways which strongly influence our personalities and therefore our romantic relationships. We often have a primary and a secondary.

Here's the breakdown:

Explorers are driven by dopamine and seek a play mate in a partner

Builders are driven by serotonin and seek a help mate in a partner.

Directors are driven by testosterone and seek a mind mate in a partner.

Negotiators are driven by estrogen and seek a soul mate in a partner.


This book is full of rich, easily digestible tidbits of neurobiochemistry and gives concrete information on how our nature forms our personalities and influences our relationships. I highly recommend you either read or listen to it and let me know what you think.

To find out what your personality type is, visit Helen's website, The Anatomy of Love.

If you're curious, I'm 98% explorer, 19% builder, 93% director and 71% negotiator. What is your breakdown?